


Shaving Foam Meringue

by PillowDweller



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Highschool AU, M/M, Rating change later, Relationship tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1773703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PillowDweller/pseuds/PillowDweller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lameo, Oh Lameo! Where for art thou Lameo.<br/>For I am im this fic!<br/>So John pranks Bro, his computing teacher and prepares for an ass wooping! Instead his daddy gets a call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ===> STRIFE!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and its a present to KB <3 my beautiful girlfriend in celebration of her finishing highschool. I'll fix the layout later

# Shaving Foam Meringue

John was in the hall, his palms were sweaty and his glasses were all fogged up. Why did he have to prank Mr.Strider. What the everloving fuck gave him the idea it was a good plan? Well, mainly, Dave was Bro’s little brother and Johns best friend and Bro was Mr.Strider, his computing teacher. When John had the small chance to actually be in the same room as Bro, he was pretty chill. Never had he ever expected Bro to be so explosive... Almost as explosive as the shaving foam meringues John had smacked right into Mr.Striders strong jaw. John’s Prankster itch had grown since his dad was away for a business trip for a couple of nights, he had to get it out some how. So he planned that the would hide next to Mr.Striders desk and as he pulled out his teaching notes KAPOW! shaving foam to the face. Mr.Strider could take a joke so it would be in his class, his gambit would fill and no harm done to his clean school report or his face as opposed to doing a trick like that on Dave or in Business Studies with Ms.Piexes,. Anyway, so the plan went as anticipated and Mr.Strider ended up with a white face that quickly turned red with rage and he sternly turned to John, he slipped his shades off giving John a very stern glare and a tense, quiet “Out. Now.” the atmosphere was so charged with Mr.Strider new found anger that the class of whooping teens has become silent enough that everyone heard Mr.Striders instructions. So thats the story of how John ended up outside the classroom all nervous and sweaty. 10 minutes slowly dragged by and John was breathing harder every single minute, it took 2 puffs of his inhaler to calm his breathing and just as he swallowed his nerves the door clicked closed and John tilted his head to look up and see a large figure. Mr.Strider had never seemed so huge and menacing and John couldn't help but shrink into the wall as Mr. Strider started to talk “Ain’t no point tryin’ to hide now kid. Ya committed the crime, now to do the time” Mr.Striders voice had a heavier southern drawl to it that usual, maybe he was far too angry to keep it in check. Probably. “So, squirt” he rounded on John, cornering him against the wall he was pressed against “what the hell brought this on?” he wiped the last of the foam off of his defined face, wiping it on his suit pants “thought ya would go easy on me due to bein’ my lil mans friend, I was wrong eh? Thought you’d get away with it because you were my lil man’s friend?” there came to booing chuckle. Mr.Strider’s calm exterior made him even more scared. Maybe he would eat John? make him into a pie or worse a cake! He had heard that you could make blood meringue, that was totally Mr.Strider plan. A nice tasty John blood meringue. John’s face filed with the aforementioned blood, causing him to blush profusely “Nno! I just didnt think, I swear!” liar liar, John Egbert. MR.Strider saw right through you and your plan. Mr.Strider raised an eyebrow “Mind tellin’ mewhere you are now, John?” “I’m in school” “You’re in school, what?” “I’m in school, sir” “Atta boy, John. Now what do we do in school? Apart from smack cam the teacher” “We learn?” Man, Mr.Strider was being awfully tedious. “yeah sure ya do, but what do you do to learn?” Mr.Strider was also getting pretty sick of this game. He wasn't the best at nonsexual reprimands. We think?” “Yup, but you didn’t today. Now you're gonna report back to me after school and I will think of a way to punish you.” Mr.Strider shrugged and walked back in the classroom, John followed, his face still bright red. A few hours later John was queuing up with Dave for lunch. Dave half shit himself as he learnt about John’s prank on his older brother.

“Seriously man?! Oh holy fuck! Sounds like you put the fireworks in the bear cave and used a dragon to light them. Except instead of using the bear pelt for a coat, Bro will be using your sink!” Dave was doubled over, howling with laughter, as usual, he made a spectacle of his actions, turning a few heads, but only Dave knew what angry Bro was like, no Bro was never violent but definitely very intimidating.                                        After wiping away his falsified tears, he straightened up and brushed himself down, fixing his hair and shade, reapplying the stoic expression “what part of ever fuck with Bro didnt you listen too, man?”

“All of it. I never listen to you” John rolled his eyes and ordered some pie. John should start listening to Dave, probably. 


	2. Another lame chapter to the mix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets more than he bargained for. Oh well...

The end of the day came quicker than John had hoped for, he knocked on Mr.Striders door and waited for a sign to enter. To his surprise, Mr.Strider opened the door for John.

“Wont keep you long. You are desk scraping for an hour, try not to let the gum hit your face” Mr.Stridr smirked at john, handing him the spatula and walking back to his own desk. John settled under the first desk , looking at the different shades of gum, they all had different consistencies and wetness and ew, different smells. This must be a health hazard! So John started a-scraping like a good little boy blue. The first one just missed his face, John gagged.

Mr.Strider pulled up Johns contact information and started tapping on his phone, after a few rings, His call was answered. “Hello? Mr.Egbert? This is Mr.Strider, head of computing at Turnbeck High I’m calling in concern with your son, John Egbert” And John's heart sank and broke. Not his dad! oh god that was fate worse than death. Sure he hated how much his dad told him how proud he was of John, not to hear his dads pride would hurt far more

. “Yes, I would prefer a face to face appointment as soon as possible….sure… yes I understand you are a busy man… yes I do know your son's education is your main priority… no he wont be excluded. I would just like to talk, Your discipline will affect him more than anything we can do, sir, 5 o'clock thursday will be great. I will make note, thankyou for your time” Mr.Strider scribbled something quickly in his diary and hung up the phone. John flew from under the desk “Please Bro! Don’t involve my dad, I wont do it ever again, I will clean all your desks for a week… no, for a month” John was begging over Mr.Striders desk. Bro shook his head “What is done it done and here, in the school, you call me Mr.Strider, not Bro.” John's face sank just as low as his heart. "Fine!" John ran a hand threw this hair and twisted his face into something that represented a major sulk as he slumped under the desk. It was only monday, John had a few days to prepare.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> COMMENCE THE SHIPPING AND THE PERVY THOUGHTS!

Sadly, those few days John had to prepare wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough for the overhanging fear that was his Dad's disappointment. His dad arrived home that thursday morning at 9 am so luckily for John, he would be at school. He spent the whole of first period whining to Dave how he would be grounded for a total life time, that his dad's disappointed gaze would burn holes through his very soul and that he would definitely cease to exist. So after that, Dave said his final farewell "gonna miss your stupid mug, dawg" unceremoniously perfect. The pair of them took this strange 'ending' very seriously, maybe thats why they were such good friends, they knew when to mock and when to mourn and this day was for mourning. 

John spent the day counting down the hours, minutes and second (when he could keep track) Dave did get bored of this. I mean, they would probably prank it out after or Dad would be slightly proud that his son was in trouble forhardcore pranking and no something really bad... like making his nana into a sprite or being disruptive to actual learning. Little did he know that Bro only really wanted this time to hit on John's dad, after this years parents day, Bro could not get over how captivating the Older Egbert was and was just waiting for his chance to speak to him personally. oh damn yes, now was his calling and his calling had been heard and was about to be acted on. Gon' get him some finneeee Egbert plush rump. Dayum.

So there John was. At 5pm. Staring at Mr.Strider's stupid poker face, glaring almost, as his dad walked in after knocking. He was dressed in his fitted, trademark, white suit and Trilby hat, his carved, wooden pipe sitting placed carefully in between his smooth lips. He smiled at Bro and then John with a slight nod to each before walking over to give Bro a handshake "Hello Mr.Strider, apologise for the inconvenience." He sat down in his chair and ruffled Johns hair with a chuckle "Young scallywags, ahh when we were boys... Am I right?" Bro saw Mr.Egbert in all glorious light until he insinuated that Bro himself was old. He had only graduated a few years ago and was younger than Mr.Egbert by 6 or 7 years. That was basically 10 years! The cheeky sod! Anyway... he had better uses for Mr.Egbert's mouth than talking. "Oh no, the inconvenience is all mine-" liar, it's all Johns "Haahaa, I have no idea what you mean" oh yes, fake laugh, well done. "Anyway, I feel that this discussion would be more suitable without the presence of John." He nodded and removed his shades, showing his liquid gold eyes and half captivating Mr.Egbert. All Mr.Egbert could do is half stare until John cleared his throat.

"Okay, okay fine! I get it... I'm going to starbucks, meet you at home dad" John picked up his bag, slugged it over his shoulder like a classic, sulky teenager and slopped out of the classroom. Mr.Egbert gained consciousness and turned to look at John "Okay son, see you at home... bring me a black coffee on your way out?" John grunted in reply and the door close behind him. "Mr. Egbert--" "No, no call me Robert. Mr. Egbert was well-- ah never mind, it's all confusing business, genetics and all" Bro wondered if he sat on Robert's face backwards he might shut up or talk into his ass instead. "Well okay, **Robert,** I didn't particularly call you here for John's Prank, I couldn't care less, It was kinda funny but predictable" Bro lent forward in his chair and across the desk, kinda. "I wanted to talk about the prospect of us" his own face broke into a half smile. Robert sat back in his chair, his cheeks and the top of his ears glowed red. "Mr.Strider... really, that is highly inappropriate, you are my son's teacher!" Now, Robert was thoroughly surprised, he was in favour of the idea secretly but he was truthful when he said that the proposal was inappropriate... which may or may not make it much more appetizing. "please, doll, call me Derek. Mr.Strider was someone else" yeah Rob got it right before when he said genetics where confusing.  "Well... Derek, as attractive as you and the offer is, I must decline as it would not be proper. If that is all, I should go. I have a son to tend too" He cleared his throat and stood up "Dont you worry, Derek, I will make it seem like we have had a stern conversation about John's behaviour in class. I am truly sorry for your waste of time." He shook Bro's hand again and saw himself out and found John at the starbucks down the road. He told John some spwell about how he needed to remember that "Mr.Strider" was an authority figure in school so he should be treated as one and he must keep his pranks for home as it would undermine 'Mr.Strider's' professionalism. They went home and Robert Egbert could not get a certain Strider off of his mind, those eyes, those cheekbones and not to mention that firm hand shake, it was enough to give Robert shivers. For weeks to come 'Derek' wouldn't evacuate Robert's mind.


	4. The true punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John realises after everyone else what has happened... Weeks late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for dealing with my shitty grammer etc, I hope you enjoy it. Please, feed back is needed for improvements.

John was sat in Dave's room, on what small space of the floor that was habitable, sprawled on his back, whining about his father's reaction to his meeting with Bro, which was well over 3 weeks ago now.  
"Dave.. you don't understand how mad with me he is. He goes to bed 2 hours early, he isn't baking half as much cakes... which isn't really bad for me, but its a sign, he is disappointed!" With extra emphasis on disappointed, John tried to drive home to Dave how much his father's reactions had gotten to him "I mean... who goes to bed at 9:30 without a negative reason? no one. Not even dad."

Dave rolled his eyes as he was hanging upside down off the side of his bed, facing John. "Once again. You have mistaken me for Rose, what kinda blonde bobbed, psychobabble, cat lover do you take me for? I'm a bird only kinda guy... we have been threw this. A million times" He huffed, his prepubescent arms flailing in annoyance. 

John just glared at Dave, throwing a pillow at Dave and blowing a raspberry in his general direction. "like you would understand anyway" He huffed

 

Hours later, John was back at home, his dad already in bed, John was left mulling over his conversation with Dave, Dave got something critical wrong. If he really wanted to know what was going on with his father, Rose wouldn't be the one to talk to. It would be Jade, she always seemed to predict aspects of other peoples lives before they knew change was happening.  
Before you could say foreshadowing, his pesterchum app lit up his phone with a notification.

GG: Hi!  
GG: We havent talked in a while :B  
GG: I'd ask how you are... but Dave already told me about the whole dad stuff... geez am I glad the worst i get from Beck is a harsh woof and one less cuddle a day. Life without cake must suck :(  
GG: Anyway, what do you think of your Dad's new boyfriend, heehee :B

John could hardly reply. It finally sunk in. Dad wasn't baking less... he was giving it away, to Bro! no wonder Dave looked a little chubbier. Dad wasn't sleeping more, he was talking (hopefully nothing more) to Bro... Dad wasn't disappointed! he was just loved up.

 

EB: Harley, you genius!  
GG: I know, heehee :B  
GG: but why does that matter now?

Before John could explain, he closed the chat client, buzzing with happiness, but as the reality of his dad and Dave's brother set in, he started to feel slightly ill.


	5. Daily life of a pipe fan 413

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dad's diary and an insight into dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading.. if anyone does :) my tumblr is www.pillowdweller.tumblr.com

Since the meeting between bro and Robert for "John's best interest", bro/Derek had managed to stalk out Robert at work, pipe carving, bowling, at the movies with John. Everywhere. Robert had no problem informing Derek on how totally inappropriate and harassing his behaviour was, alas his fav was problematic therefore he abandoned his concerns and indulged the aggressor in a date. one singular date he swore. however one turned into two and two turned into three and three turned into breakfast...

Robert was reading over his diary entries, recalling his month to enhance his memory to stay psychologically fit as a fiddle.   
Entry: 15th July. 

First and only date with Mr Derek Strider. Inappropriate relationship with John's teacher. However we both remained gentlemanly, shook hands, exchanged phone numbers at the end.  
The time was 9:45 pm, the location was picnic on the roof of Mr Strider's apartment block, which is notably high yet the view was remarkable.

Entry: 16th July

Slow day, paid bills.

Entry: 17 July.

Was stupid for giving Mr Strider my contact information. Location was tracked using the GPS in my phone, I was kidnapped for lunch and taken to a lovely small Italian in town, Derek was yet again a gentleman although he only ordered one large Spaghetti Bolognas and insisted we did the "lady and the tramp move" to which i gave in and it ended with kiss, a very... inappropriate kiss.

Entry: 18 July 

Work normal, unharnessed, John seeming apologetic and overly helpful

Entry: 19 July

Have been consensually texting Mr Strider, how can such a handsome man be so inappropriate and witty at the same time. John studying harder than usually... I must treat him soon.

Entry: 20th July

Took John out for tea, he seemed nervous and on edge. when asked what was the matter he just chewed his lip and changed topic. Order drugs test.

Entry: 21st July

Dropped John off at Rose's for weekend. Derek had heard of John's absence and has invited self around. Go shopping.

Entry: 23rd July

John is back from Rose's. He had a good time, refused to say much more. Must sit down and have fatherly chat. Am particularly tired after very long hours with Derek. Note to self, he is no longer a gentleman and may not stop over when John is home, Derek is too noisy.


End file.
